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All Hail the Queen

Since my early teen years I've been known to refer to myself as the Queen of the Universe (yes, it's capitalized like that in my head). Sometimes it was my flip answer to what I did for a living, or I'd offer it as an explanation when someone asked how I'd come to a particular conclusion or why I'd taken a certain action. When friends or partners would tease me, questioning my supposed sovereignty, I'd reply "I'm the queen of MY universe, and that's all that matters."

I don't speak my title out loud as often these days, but my reign continues nonetheless. I call my motorcycle Princess, short for Princess of the Universe. If someone asks why Princess, I'm more than happy to explain the hierarchy of rulership 'round here. And while I'm joking on some level, I've recently begun to realize that all these years of claiming dominion over my world have, in fact, been preparing me for the specific ways I was meant to rule.

I am the Queen of my Universe, the divine ruler of my reality. This knowledge lies at the seat of my personal power, and sharing it with others is the shining heart of my professional strength, as well. This governance does not extend beyond me, but it is unquestionable here in my world. I don't rule over you, but I am the ultimate and incontrovertible potentate in the Land of Deb.

I didn't fully understand this on a conscious level as a teen, but perhaps this choice of words was neither arrogant nor accidental. Perhaps my soul knew exactly what I was here to do, and knew I'd need an early start to ascension if I was to lead thousands of other women to their own thrones. Today I marvel at just how much a part of my truth this statement has become, and I wonder if I was practicing, without realization or effort, for the role of mentor to Queens.

Because that's truly what I am. Yes, I am the Queen here...but YOU are the Queen there. You are the Queen of your Universe, just as divinely chosen to rule in your space as I am in mine. This sovereignty is not voted on nor passed down through your lineage; it has no term limit and is free of checks and balances. Your agency is complete and it is the only true divine right in all of history. It belongs to you in a way that cannot be influenced or undermined by any other being. Your rule is a gift from your Creator, representing the power required to do your soul's work in this life.

I am the Queen of the Universe. You are the Queen of the Universe. We are each a queen in our own worlds...and that is all that matters.

Why does it matter? Because your seat at the throne is the seat of your personal power. When you ascend fully, when you accept the mantle of leadership for the whole of your reality, you become the master of your universe in the most true and complete fashion. Your crown does so much more than elevate you beyond bad hair days and provide the perfect accessory to any outfit--it represents your complete control over your reality.

The operative word in that sentence is YOUR. Your rulership comes with a crown, not a magic wand. You can't control other people, or the stirrings of nature--weather or the vagaries of a world-wide pandemic, for example. Much of the world at large will remain outside of your jurisdiction. What you will be able to manage from your velvet settee is your response to these people and events. While a wide assortment of things remain immune to your rule, no matter how masterful it may be, your crown does offer you this sprinkling of true fairy dust...these outside influences--other people and their opinions, situations and circumstances-- will also lack power over you. Your rule gives you complete power over the most important person in your world...the girl in the magic mirror.

This ascension is where I am ultimately guiding my clients. It doesn't matter whether we are coaching on business or marriage, weight loss or burnout, mom guilt or self love--what we are truly discussing is climbing the dais, settling into your throne, and setting that crown firmly on your head. It's releasing blame and judgement, the favored routes to abdicating power. It's facing fear, the jester that capers around every queen's royal seat. It's understanding the true depth and breadth of personal power, the true effects of wearing that crown--that your reality is 100% yours. You create your universe, for better or worse. Every blessing you have, you have created. Every road block you stumble over, you have created. Every opportunity, every success, every closed door, every's all on you, my Queen.

Did we veer off of the fairy tale track there? Sister, I said we were queens. I never said holding the title was easy. There's a reason why so many refuse to rise, turn away from the mantle and close their hands to avoid holding the scepter. With great power comes great responsibility. That shiny crown has yet another purpose--it's there so you have something pretty to console you when being the supreme leader is supremely hard.

Herein lies another role I play for my fellow queens. I'm a support system for my sisters, another ruler who understands that life on the throne isn't all glitz and glamor, who knows from personal experience that personal power is equal parts magic and maleficence. It feels amazing to own the ability to create any outcome you want, to rise above the opinions and desires of others and rule from the light in your heart. In equal degrees, it can feel agonizing to own every single time you *f* up, to rise above the desire to blame others and to rule from the dark side of that very same heart. To rule your universe when the sun is shining on the unicorns as they crop the new spring grass on your palace grounds seems divine. But the true divinity is found only when you realize that being Queen also means shoveling unicorn shit in your favorite party dress. You can't have one without the other, and my clients know I'll be there for everything--the party and the messy aftermath.

Because that's what it really means to be a queen--it's complete ownership of your queendom. Not just the parts where the sun shines and the unicorns frolic, but also the shadows and the shit piles. It's all yours to look after, and you don't get the crown until you accept full rule.

It's true what they say, it's lonely at the top. A queen needs a crew, and that's a vital part of what I offer. Holding court over an entire reality is a big job. Sometimes a leading lady needs someone who will point out that the fountain is clogged with mermaid hair and there's a pair of boxers hanging from the chandelier in the main ballroom. She needs someone who can gently but firmly remind her that she's in charge here, for better or worse.

But a queen also needs someone who understands that every victory is worth celebrating, even the ones that don't warrant a grand fete. Balanced rule requires accountability and salutations in equal measure, the recognition that even one unicorn turd removed from the lawn represents progress, no matter how many piles are left to shovel. She needs to hear that someone else knows just how testy the mermaids are when you tell them you're going to drain the fountain, and she might need a reminder of how glorious she's going to feel when the water is flowing clean and clear again, thanks solely to her efforts.

It takes a queen to understand what it's like to be a queen. When I was 13 I lacked any conception of where my professional journey would lead. At 15 I wanted to be an addiction counselor, at 19 a psychologist in private practice. At 21 I was a bartender, by 31 I was a health and fitness trainer and coach. And all the while I kept repeating the truth that I thought was a joke--I'm the Queen of the Universe. Through all of those years I was learning, without realizing, what it meant to rule my world, and I was preparing, again without recognizing, to help other women rule theirs.

Learning to be a queen has taught me everything I need to know to show up in the court of other queens, to be the crew that my sovereign sisters need as they make the daunting climb to the throne and adapt to the weight of the crown. It's given me the voice to say "hey, that unicorn shit isn't going to shovel itself," and "look at this single stone you've day this will be your palace." Being the Queen of my Universe has made it possible for me to spread my arms as wide as the skirts on my fanciest ballgown and embrace as many women as I need, giving them a boost towards that glorious seat.

So no matter how you feel today, like a princess or a scullery maid, I just want to remind you that you are the Queen of your Universe. And that's all that matters. If you need a crew, you know where to find me. And sister, that crown looks fabulous on you.

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